Questions Without Answers

Well, the report from the doctor is back and my nephew Truman tested positive for Werdnig-Hoffman disease. Obviously, this is not the news we hoped for, and is quite a blow to our hearts and emotions. Unless the Lord chooses to do a miracle, Truman’s life will likely be quite short. Please keep praying for Micah and Krista and the rest of the family. It’s a journey no one would choose to walk.

This year has been a difficult one for my family in relation to babies. Three of us had miscarriages and now this. I struggle at times with the WHY? questions and with trusting in God’s goodness. It is one thing to say that God is good, has good plans for us, wants to bless us, and so on…and another to truly believe when circumstances feel just the opposite. We have prayed many times that glory would be brought to God through our lives, but right now it is hard to see the glory. There are so many questions with no good answers. I confess I have my times of doubt, fear, worry and disappointment with God, but I am committed to holding on and trusting even when I don’t understand. I have been challenged to cultivate a heart of gratitude. While I shed tears and sorrow over our losses this year, I remind myself to give thanks for the safe arrival of baby Kyra and for Jimmy, who seems to be perking along alright if my size is any indication. =)

“Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him? For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.” Romans 11:33-36.

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This has been one of Those Days. After Jim left for work, I rushed around getting myself ready for work and preparing my food for our church Christmas banquet tonight. I was supposed to make a huge pan of baked rice pilaf and realized yesterday that I wasn’t going to get home from work in time to bake it. I made arrangements with Lisa to drop it off at her house on the way to work and she was going to bake it for me. I got out the door with very little time to spare and mostly enjoyed my day at the market. The morning was kind of slow, but I got the special treat of a surprise lunch with Jim, who was working nearby. Sales picked up in the afternoon and I was happy to get off two hours earlier than I expected. I picked up my rice and brought it home to bake myself. I used my extra hours to do the dishes, make the bed, and catch up on other things I didn’t get done this morning. At 5:30, Jim called and said he’d been on his way home but got an emergency call and wouldn’t be home in time to go to the banquet. It didn’t sound like much fun to go without him, so I decided to drop my rice off and come home. The rice recipe said it should bake for 1.5 hrs. When I went to get it out of the oven at 6:00, it was almost as raw as it was when I put it in at 4:30. I slightly panicked, cranked the oven to 425*, and hoped it would get done fast. At 6:30, it seemed mostly done, so I rushed off to church. Fortunately other people had made rice that they were serving first and my being 20 min. late didn’t matter. The people in charge even gave me two plates of food “to go,” so Jim and I got in on a bit of the banquet when he got home at 7:30. It has been raining steadily all day and just changed to snow and blustery wind. While it is a bit disappointing to miss the banquet, it’s a good evening to stay home and relax after a busy day.

I’ve been wanting to buy a few more apples for winter eating and my favourite kind is Fuji. Most of the orchards are sold out, but the largest orchard in our area has a fruit stand nearby that still has a good supply. They’re pretty pricey at $25/bushel, but every week they put one variety of apples on sale at half price. I’ve been calling to find out their specials every week and it is always something like Red Delicious or Rome or something else I’m not really interested in. I’ve asked the lady a couple times about the Fuji and she always tells me she highly doubts that they will go on sale since they’re such a high-demand apple. The orchard closes on Dec. 17, so I knew time was running out and I pretty much gave up on getting my Fuji apples. When I called today and the lady said the special was Fuji, it felt like a special gift from God. Counting my blessings….

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